Wednesday, January 9, 2013

"Just Keep Swimming"

Life doesn't always go as planned, and thank god for that. If it had gone the way I planned I'd probably be in a foreign country playing soccer for some team I can't even pronounce. Instead, I'm here in Raleigh, North Carolina, somewhere I never pictured or planned on being, and I've never been happier.
If it weren't for my plans going terribly, terribly wrong I might not have made it here. I left a career I hated, I found the man of my dreams, and I'm slowly realizing that starting over from scratch isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'm still not used to being one of the oldest people at my job, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Wanting to chase your dreams and actually pursuing it are completely different tasks. When I left my security blanket behind and decided to up and quit my job in television, my fears were simple, what am I going to say when people ask me what I do now? How will I explain to my friends and family that I want to start over without feeling embarrassed? I hated thinking that I was taking a step backwards. Answer; sometimes you have to take a step backwards in order to take a leap forwards.

It's easy for me to answer questions like. "What are yo doing now that you have settled in Raleigh?" I say, "I've switched career paths and I am learning culinary skills along with business management so I can own my own restaurant and or food truck one day." I had to get over the fear that chasing my dreams was a silly thing to do and that it could never happen. The silly thing was thinking that chasing my dreams couldn't become a reality one day. I'm learning the catering world, I learn how to puree foods, and how to properly hold a knife. I'm also learning the in's and out's of running a widely known and successful country club, and I'm loving every minute of it. Sure, people look at me when I tell them what I used to do and what I am doing now, and I can see it in their eyes when they say one thing to me but really mean another. The great thing about over coming fears in life is learning when other people doubt you in front of your face, or behind your back for that matter, to use it as stepping stones to success, not failure. It'll bug me for a minute or two, I'll have to write a blog or a journal entry, maybe do a yoga session or go for a run, but at the end of every day there is not one thing I would change about my life. Im right where I want to be, and right where I need to be and it's the first time I have ever felt balanced in the 26 years I've been alive.

The current love of my life is a major reason I've been able to find myself. I did a little soul searching by myself before I moved here, but having someone stand behind me who encourages me and supports me, and lets me know he's there no matter what my dreams and goals are, has been incredible. For those of you thinking, well I don't have a significant other; it doesn't have to be a partner, as long as you are capable of surrounding yourself by people who actually care about you, that is love. Love can be found anywhere, neighbors who take time to check on you, even if you think they might be annoying, friends who never stop calling or coming to visit, people who support you through the good and the bad, that is love, and when you have it, you should fight for it and never let it go. I have never had anything this great before either. Once I got myself situated and on the right path, I organized my friends list (in real life not just on Facebook), and I took the time and patience to realize who was going to be there for good and who was just passing by. After that, which took a few years, everything just started falling into place. No, it didn't just show up on my doorstep, I had to go out in the world and fight for what I wanted, but eventually I learned to start showing up for the right fights, and that's when I started winning.

For now I have a simple plan and a simple life and I am ok with that. Some people might want more for themselves and that's ok too. Whatever it is that you desire in life, keep desiring, keep moving forward, and never give up. I could have settled into my old life with my security blanket and my city job, but when I started listening to my heart and steered away from my fears, I soon realized the possibilities of doing what I want with my life, are endless.